Mom is luring me into sex.FEEL GUILTY
It started I when 14 years old and she would dress and put on bra’s and lingeries to ask me if it ‘looked good’ on her breasts for her date night. My father left us when i was 13 years old he had a lot of problems from his childhood and military and my mother has a restraining order against him and his brothers.. And I never ever bonded deeply with any family members and felt so alone my whole life. And I had a lot of anxiety and fear my entire life I don’t know why. But When a teacher of mine saw my notebook and saw all the suicide ideation on my notes she called the school administrators and they called police and and they put me in a hospital geared towards teenager who are suicidal like me.. been there 5 days and left..
All of these took a heavy mental toll on my mother who is also single and gave up on dating guys when i was 15.I guess she could feel attached to them emotionally or couldn’t allow anyone to get near me anymore.She loved me so much. When she looks into my eyes she always has the 1000 yard soldier stair in her beatiful blue eyes.Like she put up with everything to get me to where I am today.. Like she gave up her career and life..
For the last 2 months she asked about my relationship with girls and she said you don’t have to feel isolated in your school and you can try dating girls you can be sexual with them now that you’re 16 years of age and feel teenage love and this may help you get over your teenage anxiety 😟
And i believe this was a move on her part to ‘get sexual with me maybe??’ To me opening up to her about my sexual feelings?? Idk. And after we had this conversation she said I love you so much honey and i feel so alone and I also need your emotional support and feel your presence right beside me ‘so I bond with my beatiful boy’
After that we started to sleep in the same bed and we started hugging each other first when we were facing each other. Then we would turn other way and sleep. After a week has gone by and she started pushing her butt against my groin to get close to me? I guess..
The next morning when i came home she was so interested in helping me out ‘find a girlfriend’ she was acting like a friend of mine rather than a mother .. she is 38 years old but this time started acting weird and like a teenager.
She asked me questions like do you know how to french kiss? (Btw we have french ancestry) I said no. And she started caressing me saying it’s OK that i should practice and learn to be more confident to get a girlfriend in school so I not feeling alone when I am not with her anymore..
We first started to kiss each other on the lips i said sorry countless times. And she would hold my head towards her to lock our lips and massage my lips . After that i couldn’t look her in the eye but i got rock hard while doing that…
Exactly same night we went into the terrace and she gave me wine and some fruits so i drank the wine she poured more and more again…
She said I am gonna sleep i am waiting for you honey and i got sleepy after the wine.. So i get there to the bed and she was in the bed with her bras and lingerie.. She again started to grind on me while in the bed and i hugged her from behind and said I LOVE YOU SO MUCH while i am half drunk.. She said it’s ok honey i love you too my handsome part.? She put her hands inside my boxters and started jerking me off and i started getting so horny and because while she was masturbating me my penis always touched her ass cheeks.and i couldn’t handle myself and i seperated her buttcheeks and she let me put it in and i came inside of her 2 minutes in… later I hugged her from behind and slept.
It has been 1 week and i don’t know what to do guys? I feel so guilty? I am 16 years old. I don’t have anybody other than my mom…
Please help me how should i behave with my mom ? I think this is wrong and this may end up with me having sex with her.Pls help me I am serious.
She started calling me handsome when i am with her.Inside our house I always walk around with goosebump all over my body.And i have rosacea too I have red cheeks all the time. Should i continue this relationship this way? I know this is not normal but i felt totally connected to someone for the first time in my life? And like I talked to a psychiatrist that my hospital referred me to and I talked to her on the phone she says she is gonna call the police and I begged and cryed for half an hour on the phone to not get my jewel mom arrested because she is the only diamond i have in this world.If i am seperated from her I will definitely cut my wrists I told my psychiatrist and she decided not to call anyone.And i know with this much bond with me and my mom I would’ve harmed myself if I were to seperated from her.
I may do a live video explaning why i am gonna attempt to end it all!